It's really quite sad that ever journal entry I write is something to the effect of "OMG YOU GUYS I'M BACK I SWEAR FOR REAL THIS TIME." Because then I inevitably disappear again.

BUT! Today I was going through all my files and everything on my external hard drive and I found about six old pictures that I never posted and meant to, as well as three NEW photos that I've been dying to "finish"/format/post. So. I'm going to post bunches of stuff and I can't guarantee that it's awesome, but it's more of getting myself caught up and then ready to start again.

Also: I might be starting to sell some of my photos, I was deemed worthy enough to participate in a craft show in DSM this coming weekend (which was both super exciting and somewhat terrifying), IF I can get my shit together, which, fortunately for me, I took today off and I managed to get a whole lot shoveled away and I might be able to pull it off after all. So, that kind of began the whole file cleanse phenomenon.

Anyway, I'm sorta back, I KIND OF found a bit of my creative bubble and even if it's just reformatting old photos in new ways to share with others, it's definitely a start and I am definitely excited about that.

Thanks for bearing with me while I've come and gone over the last few years. Anyone who's still here/paying attention, I'm sending you a big e-hug.

Xoxo

K.

Well, hello there!

It seems like I only ever wander over here when I'm feeling bored or angst-ridden. Today happens to be the latter. I don't know. This place has always been comfortable and oddly reassuring, and I guess I started on here in my original Era of Angst so it's only fitting, right? Yeah I'm just spewing bullshit.

I want to create more art. I've been earmarking photos that I have been meaning to resize and format and post, but I just never seem to get around to it. I've got a couple gorgeous shots in queue that I absolutely love that I am dying to share but I don't know where my audience is anymore. I just wrote a good chunk of a shit-tastic poem that I'm haggling over one word and even then I don't know if I'll post it - probably under my other shit-poem account ~beautifully-careless if I blow the dust off that one, too.

I don't know. I feel aimless today. Usually when something in my life is paining me, that's when I fall into my most creative spells. I'm just so exhausted from work and life though, that I feel rather artistically impotent these days. It's quite depressing, really.

I don't even feel like the same me that started this account. Older, for sure. Wiser, maybe. Jaded? Probably. I'll figure it out, I always do. In the meantime, I just wanted to shout out into this abyss and see if anything echoes back.

Love,
K.

Man... never though I'd get caught up on all the things in my dev-box (well, what would YOU call it? It's not technically an inbox...) as quickly as I did. Although when most have been sitting there upwards of six months, it's easy to just delete delete delete. Plus, thumbnails are handy.

Anywho... clearly a lot has changed on this site since I've last been here. The interface, for starters. All the fancy schmancy options that I will probably never take the time to learn, because I'm set in my ways (my info says I've been on here for 3 years... it feels longer than that. I guess it will be 4 in March, but still.) Anyone have any new etiquette tips or features that I need to know about?

Other than the technical stuff on this site.... here's what else is new: I am uploading things. Not a lot, because, quite frankly, the longer some of these things have had to sit and percolate, the more I've decided they are CRAP and have removed them from my sight. It would have been handy if I'd been consistently keeping them all in the same folder, so I could just format, watermark, and BAM! Post! But, alas, no, they are all over my freaking hard drive, so I've kind of been searching. You'd think I would have come up with a lot more, given the length of my absence, but... I don't know. I guess my creativity did kind of die off after all.

AAAAAnyway. You aren't reading my journal to learn about my trials with the new dA. You want to know what's going on in my life, don't you? DON'T YOU?

Well, to make a long story short, not a whole hell of a lot. I'm still trudging along, figuring my life out as I go. I'm still pretty strapped financially, so I'm going to be one very happy camper when my federal tax refund shows up. I still enjoy my job, even though the longer I stay out of graphic design itself, the more I feel like I can never return. Maybe it was never meant to be.

It's February, which means we've already had a no-coat day and a snowstorm in the same week. The weather is starting to make me grumpy, I am so over the snow we've been getting piled with, and I'm ready for it to be nice out. I think it will lift everyone's spirits and make the world (well, or at least central Iowa) a more pleasant place to be.

Given the day, I'll spare you my annual anti-VDay rant. You've heard it all before, and, well, it is what it is. And in this case, it's just another random Saturday. Albeit one that I've managed to be semi-productive in. Whatev.

For once, I don't really have much to say. If any of y'all are on twitter, comment and let me know. It's my latest social media addiction. I've been on it for a while, but it's still time consuming. Despite the simplicity of it, haha.

Anyway. I'm out. Good night, peeps!




EDIT: Oops! I actually managed to forget to title this. Silly Kelly. Where IS my head?

Hi all!

I am, in fact, alive and well... I'm just not here much anymore... I'm going to try to fix that but I can't make any promises.

Anyway. That's all I really have to say. Because I have a ridiculous pile of deviations and such to look through


<3


K

Apparently I don't remember how to use this site... I stared at it blankly for a good ten seconds trying to figure out how to get to my effing journal. I forgot that they redesigned the whole damn site.

Anyway. I'm going to do something I don't normally do.

I'm going to go on a political rant. Brace yourselves.

I don't give a shit whether you agree with me or not. You are free to voice your opinion, because, dammit, that's what the First Amendment is for. However, this is MY space, so if you want to get all up in my face then I'll have no choice to bitch slap you with whatever means I can. Just as you are entitled to your opinions, I am entitled to mine.

I apologize in advance for any excessive obscenities that may or may not be spewn. It's just what I do.

I'm not going to start screaming about party lines and how I'm right and they're wrong (although I usually am right, it's just how I roll) - I have a lot of friends who are conservatives and while I love them dearly I do occasionally want to strangle them because they won't even LISTEN to any other points of view. This is also largely why I'm shoving my thoughts into the abyss of the internet. I can't say a word without being accused of being a heartless crazy liberal babykiller. If you'd let me speak my peace, you would know that that just isn't true. But, since I'm not One Of You, I'm not allowed to. PS, The First Amendment is just as important if not more so as your fucking Second Amendment. Now shut up and let me talk.

Now, I'm not a huge political activist. I have my beliefs and I hold them very strongly. They're based on a pretty simple principle - if you hold any stock in all that shit that the Founding Fathers scribbled some 200+ years ago, which I happen to do, it's that all men (and, by proxy, women) are created equal. I'm anti-hate, anti-discrimination, anti-narrowmindedness, pro-love, pro-tolerance and all around am on board with everything being happy and groovy. I think there are some things the government has no right to dictate or interfere with... Most specifically, and these are what generally makes me fall squarely into the left, Gay Marriage and Abortion.

Oh, I said it. The GM and A words. Get your pitchforks ready.

I personally don't feel comfortable with a bunch of old white guys telling me what is or is not ok to do with my body. I'm not saying that I'm pro-abortion and that everyone should just run out and get one. I can see both sides and I'm not a rabid baby-killer... however, some women don't have a choice. Ironically, it's many of the same people who are anti-choice that are also opposed to welfare. When you take away the choice for a scared, desperate pregnant woman - well, you don't know what's best for her. (And, really, if one were inclined to have an abortion, they'd do it anyway. Might as well be in a sterilized clinic with a professional than with a rusty coathanger by a guy named Vinnie). We could go round and round. I'm neither for or against - but I do believe in the right to choose. If you think abortion is wrong and evil, well, guess what - you have the CHOICE not to have one.

The flip side of this issue - the one that most gets my panties in a bunch - is women's health and reproductive rights in general. Birth control is NOT ANYWHERE NEAR the same realm as abortion - I got so irate that my head almost exploded when people try to lump them together and then pull the religion card. Well, fuck you. I've fallen into the realm of the sexually inactive, so I'm clearly not using the pills as contraceptives. Even if I were, they kill nothing. If anything, they're sparing your eggs for when you might actually want them. (For those of you unfamiliar with the biology of it all, the Pill essentially fakes your body into thinking it's ovulating, when instead it prevents an egg from being released each month). I like to know precisely when my period is going to start and stop and be able to plan accordingly. I don't like having excessive cramps. And, shit, it's even supposed to help your skin. And you know what? You have NO RIGHT to deny a prescription if I want it and my doctor ok'd it. NONE. You wouldn't deny painkillers to someone who just had surgery, or antiobiotics for a sick kid, or any other array of medications to anyone. You took a fucking oath and you are bound to uphold it. Religion, my ass. We'll save that for later, you fucking hypocrite. Guess what? It's your JOB. It's what you are paid to do. If people don't do their jobs they get fired. You're no different, so stop your fucking whining. Nobody's paying you to inflict your views on others, they are paying you to dispense medications. I, personally, am morally opposed to 5 year olds getting brand new iPods. But guess what? When someone wants to buy a spare for their daughter so she can have one for outside as well as inside, I have to smile, unlock the case, and ask them what color they want. Looky, I just contributed to the further decay of our youth by rampant commercialism. I'll sleep just fine tonight.

Also - abstinence only sex education? Are you fucking serious? You DO realize these kids are going to have sex anyway, right? And by not providing them resources and knowledge, we're just going to cycle back to the whole unwanted pregnancy issue. All you old men, well, this is an issue that you will NEVER be faced with, so STFU already.

Gay marriage - I don't even want to talk about it. It's so goddamn unconstitutional to deny a right to anyone based on the fact that they are different than you. What the fuck do you care? They're also, by the way, NOT cheapening the institution of marriage. The skyrocketing divorce rate and commonplace adultery are doing that just fine. Whoops, I'm sorry, did I just imply that you're just as much of a sinner? Yep, looks like I did.

Side insert to my religion rant. Guess what, I'm a born and raised Christian, I'm a big fan of Jesus, only unlike you, I LISTENED. If you were paying attention, a sin is a sin is a sin. Which means you're just as depraved as those you are condemning. Oh, perhaps I should also mention that the mere fact that you ARE judging others is a whopper of a sin. Jesus Himself even said, "Judge not, that ye be not judged." (Matthew 7, bitches, look it up. I dare you.) Basically, if you were paying attention, which I bet you weren't, Jesus pretty much said to leave the Judging up to Him (how dare you presume to play God, you pretentious asshole) and to Love Thy Neighbor. Not ostracize them for being different. LOVE. LOVE was the message. Not hateful intolerance. That's the worst hypocrisy of all and this is why I have stayed away from organized religion for years. Call me a heathen if you will, but I'm going to go ahead and stick with what I believe. (Don't forget, I have that right - the same right that you keep shoving in everyone's faces, you poor, poor, repressed white Christians). PS, Jesus was all for the outcasts - so he'd be hanging out with the very people you are trying to condemn. (I suggest you go read the book of Luke you hypocritical asshole. If you're smart, which I doubt, you'll start to see a theme.)

Back to where I was.

Right. Basic human rights. Equality. All that good shit. I cannot fathom how anyone can look down on anyone else for merely being different. Gay, straight, man, woman, white, black, we could go round and round with the yins to their yangs - who the FUCK cares? We're all people. Let me repeat that. WE ARE ALL PEOPLE. And we are all fortunate enough to live in a country where that is supposed to be enough. We're so, so far away from where we could be. It makes me sad. We could be greater than this. We're broken, and nothing any politician can promise will make it better just like that.

Oh, speaking of politicians. Allow me to bang my head against my desk until I am no longer conscious. Wake me up in November, when someone gets elected and this whole mess is over. This is fucking ridiculous.

Now, I'm obviously not impartial, so allow me to continue.. (No? Too bad. My rant, my rules. You are still required to shut up and listen, or get the hell out of here. I don't particularly care which.)

I like Barack Obama. And, I'll be honest, I liked Hillary. Say what you will, lose respect for me if you must. She's a strong woman and I think she could metaphorically knee a lot of people in the groin (or physically, that would be fun too) and maybe make some changes. At any rate, she has the cajones to be President, I don't care what you say. It's a moot point at this current juncture, so we won't dwell. I like Obama just fine, I think he's a standup guy and he might just be un-jaded enough in Washington to make a fucking difference.

What I do NOT like is this shameless propaganda parade from the John McCain camp. Let me be more specific. I do not like Sarah Palin.

I'll be honest - my kneejerk reaction to her nomination was intrigue. A woman nominee? That's ballsy. I may have flinched a little bit in my decision, but I've since scrambled back on the fence hardcore the other way.

I think it's hilarious that the Republicans have been bashing Obama right and left for his lack of experience. Who the fuck is Sarah Palin? Last week, nobody could have told you. Oh wait, she's the governor of one of the least populated states in the country. Not even two years under her belt. Before that, she was the mayor of some piss-ass little town somewhere up in Alaska. "But she has executive experience!" Shit, so do I. I was the president of the residence halls at a fairly major state university. That must make me qualified, too.

We'll set aside the fact that she's a crazy conservative bitch. I don't like crazy conservative bitches (see: Ann Coulter). I want to beat them over the head with a blunt object. Does feminism mean NOTHING to you people? You're pissing away all the rights that it took us this long to get. But, like I said, we're setting it aside.

The woman has publicly stated that she doesn't even know what the Vice President does. Well, shit, sign me up. That's a vote of confidence for you. I don't know a whole lot about Joe Biden, but his response to Palin's turbo-bashing is actually pretty classy - as in, he didn't stoop to her level. I hope he has the balls to take his gloves off at the VP debates though. There is speculation that he won't/can't - cause you KNOW they're going to twist it as some sort of sexist asshole move. Also, unrelated, I love the irony that her underage daughter is knocked up. That abstinence-only education sure worked, huh?


I know the fact that McCain is old and mildly decrepit is supposed to be off-limits. But there's a very real possibility the man could die in office. Then what are we left with? The crazy bitch who has NO idea what the fuck is going on. The thought of Sarah Palin in charge of this country terrifies the living bejeezus out of me.

In the essence of time and nonplagiarism, I'm going to plug in this super fancy link here: [link] It plows through a lot of things that I won't get into but are interesting. Like some actual factual evidence that disputes a lot of the bullshit we're being fed. I'm also going to link you here [link] and here [link] because Ursula Vernon (*ursulav) is fucking brilliant and she generally is pretty levelheaded and anti-politics but when she speaks, it's genius. One more link for good measure, [link] from the cleverly titled Sarah Palin Hates Polar Bears dot Org. I'm not going to go back and find all the links for everything I've read that make me cringe, but, well, I'm sure you could do it if you wanted. Shit, at this point, even if I hated Obama, I'd still be inclined to support him just to steer the fuck away from Palin.

One parting thought before I grumpily stomp off to bed. McCain, do you think we are FUCKING STUPID? Oh, goody, a woman! I am bound by the laws of feminism to support her! Nevermind that she's against everything I stand for! Because us women are stupid and we'll see someone ELSE with a vagina and blindly follow suit. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. You've disturbed my general sense of peace with the world and made me write a really long, disgruntled, not so gracefully eloquent as I'd hoped, ANGER BLOG. I hope you're fucking happy. Even more, I hope in November you get fucking DESTROYED and I never have to hear about you ever again.

/end rant.